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24 Hours of LeMons B.F.E. Gran Prix: The Trifecta of Suck



LeMons Day One was both terrifying and exhilarating. None of us had ever been on this, or any other track. Other than getting to walk it Friday night with homebrew in hand, we had no idea what we were really up against.

No matter. At 10:15am, our Team Captain was out there, surrounded by 61 other cars, driving a track he'd never been around, in a car that hadn't gone further than around the block in who knows how long. What could possibly go wrong?

His stint went remarkably well. The car was humming along and lap times were more than respectable. The "massaged" engine, combined with sticky tires and light weight made our car one of the fastest ones out there. Plus, due to the inevitable breakdowns that happen with terrible cars, the field had already thinned.

Lining up to hit the track.
Our first trip to the Judges.
Driver two was less lucky. His times were good, but he went off the track, resulting in our first Black Flag. It was off to the Judges' Tent to get a stern talking to. Other cars were adding laps while he was stuck in the pit awaiting his release. A few minutes and several lost laps later, he was back out there, but the damage was done.

Time to send out our "Ace" driver and make up some lost ground. He didn't disappoint. Our team quickly gained ground in the standings.

I was up next. To say my lap times were terrible would be a massive understatement. I quickly lost the ground our third driver gained. On the upside, the car didn't break, I didn't have an accident and I avoided the dreaded Black Flag.

Making a "Baby's 1st LeMons Book" out of scavenged cardboard.
Our fifth driver's stint went the same as the second's: good lap times, but off to the Judges for another talking to. One more Black Flag and there would be consequences.

We didn't have to wait too long. Our final driver went off the track doing battle with a Porsche 924 painted like a pig. Off to the Tent one more time for real punishment.

This time the Judges were serious. Since one of them was pregnant, our team was ordered to create a "Baby's 1st LeMons" book for her.

Thirty minutes and lots of lost laps later, we had a book made of cut up cardboard boxes decorated using dry-erase markers. The whole thing was held together with a zip-tie binding. Mardi Gras beads given to us the night before by another team served as decoration. The book passed muster and we were back on the track, until.....

Baby's 1st LeMons!
Something wasn't right with the car. The constant high revving of our finely-tuned racing motor was causing it to cut out. There was also a rather agricultural sound coming from under the hood.

A quick inspection in the Paddock revealed that the plug in the exhaust manifold where the O2 sensor usually goes had blown out. We also figured that there might be something wrong with the fuel pump, but unfortunately didn't have a replacement.

There was no quick fix, but the car still ran. We decided to rotate the tires and send it back out on the track. By the end of the day, the car wouldn't safely rev past 3,000rpm, but it did see the checkered flag.


How we spent our Saturday night.
That night, a runner went to the auto-parts store for a fuel pump and J-B Weld. We spent the evening installing the new pump and plugging the manifold hole with the aforementioned J-B Weld and a spare bolt. Hopefully our fixes would do the trick.

Tomorrow: The end of the Race


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